Emotion

I need to vent my frustration for a particular topic that I continually struggle with. Emotion. I know emotion is good, I know it is necessary, and I know without it the world would be void of love, compassion, or life. Feelings are like nerve-endings for the soul, they clue you in on what is going on inside of you and, when properly addressed, they give you the means to live a happy, productive, and aware life. I get all that. But I also get that they often distort reality, causing a seemingly loyal person to switch their loyalties at any given moment depending on "the mood". And obviously, as with anything, it's about balance. It's about allowing yourself to be in tune with what is going on inside of you so that you may act or move accordingly, yet at the same time, developing a logical reasoning for processing your emotion so that you don't become irrationally impulsive. But few actually do this, and I find myself continually hesistant to delve deeper into the chaotic and unpredictable world of "emotion". If we're being honest here, I don't want to be an unraveled mess. I don't want to switch my loyalties depending on every small change in my life. And I don't want to fall in love, because that makes people go straight up freakin crazy. Hah.

But I know after it's all said and done, this is really me fighting against the fear that if I do allow myself to open up and just "feel", then in my vulnerability I will lose all control. In the moment, I won't have a mapped out system for how im going to logically progress from this point. I won't be one step ahead of every person trying to love me. And I won't be able to reject someone before they reject me. And that, because we're being honest here, scares. the. hell. out. of. me. But I guess that's life, loving and living without condition or clause. I don't have it all figured out, and I don't know that I'm much closer than I was before, but at least I'm walking towards it, and that's really all we can ever do.

Thanks for listening.