I am tired.
That's about the only discernible feeling I have right now. I would like to talk about how I feel, but it's not even possible right now. Why even blog this then, I know. I guess it still helps. And it's a shame, because there are good things I could talk about, and I don't want to take that for granted, I'm just tired. And I'm not even close to as tired as my brother and sister-in-law, and that makes me even more tired.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Caleb
Hey everyone, first off I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for your prayers for Caleb, Jeremy, and Christina. They've all gone through a lot these past few days and it has given them so much strength, knowing that so many people are praying.
For those who maybe don't know what's going, I'll give a brief recap. My nephew, Caleb Michael Hogue, was born Monday morning at 10:29, he was completely healthy. He weighed 6 lbs 7 ounces, 19 inches long. Sometime early Tuesday morning he stopped breathing properly, as a result he wasn't getting enough oxygen, and he still wasn't eating. They put him in incubator, and soon after his breathing returned to normal. However, a little while after that he had a seizure, and then another one. The hospital he was at in Victorville didn't have a neurology department, so he was transported to Loma Linda Children's Hospital. My brother came with him, but my sister in law was unable to because she had just a C-section and couldn't be released yet. He was taken to the neonatal ICU and has been there ever since. Now for the updates...
The situation has been hard and exhausting for them, especially being separated during it, but we have been blessed SO much in the past few days, all the small details have added up. First off, we're getting housing at the Ronald McDonald House which is so incredibly amazing. It's only $10 a night, and everything is free. They have a kitchen full of food, and the whole thing is designed to look like a normal house. Seems like a small and trivial detail, but in times when everything is chaotic and foreign, it does wonders for the soul to have something comfortable.
And speaking of amazing, the hospital is incredible as well. The baby is receiving the best treatment possible, and Jeremy gets to stay with him whenever he wants (except for a couple hours here and there while they switch things out). The baby has been doing great, we haven't had any further complications, and right now we're just waiting on test results. We did get the results for his spinal tap, and it turned out perfectly. We know he doesn't have any serious infections, so that rules out meningitis, etc. Which is great.
Also, Christina was released from the hospital in Victorville this morning, she's resting right now, and will be down here to stay with me and Jeremy today. This is a huge, huge blessing. The situation has been hard enough on her, but being that far away from both her baby and husband during it all was just...it was hard, on both of them. That's about all we know right now, I'll continue to update as we know things and I'm able to get to a computer. Again, thank you so so so much for your support, love, and prayers. It means everything. And just know that God is absolutely working throughout it all. We all have an overwhelming peace, and we can see and feel everything that He's doing. His hand is undeniable, from the small details to the big. Thank you for being a part of that.
Debi
For those who maybe don't know what's going, I'll give a brief recap. My nephew, Caleb Michael Hogue, was born Monday morning at 10:29, he was completely healthy. He weighed 6 lbs 7 ounces, 19 inches long. Sometime early Tuesday morning he stopped breathing properly, as a result he wasn't getting enough oxygen, and he still wasn't eating. They put him in incubator, and soon after his breathing returned to normal. However, a little while after that he had a seizure, and then another one. The hospital he was at in Victorville didn't have a neurology department, so he was transported to Loma Linda Children's Hospital. My brother came with him, but my sister in law was unable to because she had just a C-section and couldn't be released yet. He was taken to the neonatal ICU and has been there ever since. Now for the updates...
The situation has been hard and exhausting for them, especially being separated during it, but we have been blessed SO much in the past few days, all the small details have added up. First off, we're getting housing at the Ronald McDonald House which is so incredibly amazing. It's only $10 a night, and everything is free. They have a kitchen full of food, and the whole thing is designed to look like a normal house. Seems like a small and trivial detail, but in times when everything is chaotic and foreign, it does wonders for the soul to have something comfortable.
And speaking of amazing, the hospital is incredible as well. The baby is receiving the best treatment possible, and Jeremy gets to stay with him whenever he wants (except for a couple hours here and there while they switch things out). The baby has been doing great, we haven't had any further complications, and right now we're just waiting on test results. We did get the results for his spinal tap, and it turned out perfectly. We know he doesn't have any serious infections, so that rules out meningitis, etc. Which is great.
Also, Christina was released from the hospital in Victorville this morning, she's resting right now, and will be down here to stay with me and Jeremy today. This is a huge, huge blessing. The situation has been hard enough on her, but being that far away from both her baby and husband during it all was just...it was hard, on both of them. That's about all we know right now, I'll continue to update as we know things and I'm able to get to a computer. Again, thank you so so so much for your support, love, and prayers. It means everything. And just know that God is absolutely working throughout it all. We all have an overwhelming peace, and we can see and feel everything that He's doing. His hand is undeniable, from the small details to the big. Thank you for being a part of that.
Debi
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Fear
This morning I was reading Psalm 34 and found myself amused by the fact that, in almost the same breath, David appears to contradict himself. In verse 4 he says, "I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears." Then five verses later he writes, "Fear the Lord, you his godly people, for those who fear him will have all they need." Riiight...
We're told that God freed David of all his fears, and then we're instructed to fear God. God will deliver you of your fears, when you fear him. At first glance, it appears to be a hefty contradiction. But, after sitting with this thought, I came to realize that it is anything but, and...it is probably the biggest lesson I could learn right now.
Fear is the act of granting something dominance, it's what we give the most power to. We fear our parents because they hold our livelihood. We fear our teachers because it's within their power to fail or pass us. We fear sickness because it has the ability to overwhelm and destroy us. When we fear something, we're admitting that it has more power over our lives than we do. And for the most part, this is terrifying. When we give up control, we face the possibility of suffering at the hand of whatever holds power over us. But fear isn't believing that something will harm us, it's acknowledging that it has the power to do so. The divide then, between heathly and unhealthy fear, lies in our trust of that power.
Fear is a statement of fact, "You have power over me." But unhealthy fear distorts that fact into a statement of mistrust, "You have power over me, and you might use it to hurt me." Fearing without trusting has become a defense mechanism for the wounded and terrified soul. And for good reason. We are repeatedly abused and victimized by different powers and authorities in our life. It's only natural to find yourself in a place of fearing just about everything, and trusting none of it.
And when you trust nothing, healthy fear IS a contradiction. Not to mention the idea of banishing fear, with fear itself. Because when you can't trust anything, everything then that has power must be seen as a threat. But, following the same logic, when you do trust something with your life, unhealthy fear also becomes a contradiction. Because when you actually trust in the power of something to protect you, then it is impossible to view any other force as a threat.
When you fear God, you are asserting his dominance and power above all things. And when you accompany this reverence with trust, you are not only saying that God is more powerful than anything that you will face or come against, but that he will also use that power for your good. If we claim this as truth, than the fear of God is the absence of all other fear. If our fear is divided, then so is our trust, and that is the real contradiction.
We're told that God freed David of all his fears, and then we're instructed to fear God. God will deliver you of your fears, when you fear him. At first glance, it appears to be a hefty contradiction. But, after sitting with this thought, I came to realize that it is anything but, and...it is probably the biggest lesson I could learn right now.
Fear is the act of granting something dominance, it's what we give the most power to. We fear our parents because they hold our livelihood. We fear our teachers because it's within their power to fail or pass us. We fear sickness because it has the ability to overwhelm and destroy us. When we fear something, we're admitting that it has more power over our lives than we do. And for the most part, this is terrifying. When we give up control, we face the possibility of suffering at the hand of whatever holds power over us. But fear isn't believing that something will harm us, it's acknowledging that it has the power to do so. The divide then, between heathly and unhealthy fear, lies in our trust of that power.
Fear is a statement of fact, "You have power over me." But unhealthy fear distorts that fact into a statement of mistrust, "You have power over me, and you might use it to hurt me." Fearing without trusting has become a defense mechanism for the wounded and terrified soul. And for good reason. We are repeatedly abused and victimized by different powers and authorities in our life. It's only natural to find yourself in a place of fearing just about everything, and trusting none of it.
And when you trust nothing, healthy fear IS a contradiction. Not to mention the idea of banishing fear, with fear itself. Because when you can't trust anything, everything then that has power must be seen as a threat. But, following the same logic, when you do trust something with your life, unhealthy fear also becomes a contradiction. Because when you actually trust in the power of something to protect you, then it is impossible to view any other force as a threat.
When you fear God, you are asserting his dominance and power above all things. And when you accompany this reverence with trust, you are not only saying that God is more powerful than anything that you will face or come against, but that he will also use that power for your good. If we claim this as truth, than the fear of God is the absence of all other fear. If our fear is divided, then so is our trust, and that is the real contradiction.
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