Life is bizarre. And I almost think that it feels bizarre because it's anything but. It's almost as if I'm expecting everything to be far more complicated than it actually is, and I've pretty much been in this exact state for the past year and a half. Every single day I wake up with this feeling that I'm finally going to grab hold of something earth shattering. Like one day I will hear, see, or be presented with something that finally allows me to drop all the mundanity of life and just radically live out what I'm passionate about. And it's in holding out for this spectacular revelation, that I've denied the beauty and passion that fills everyday life. I spend most of my time attempting to crack this elusive code, and in the process I walk blindly past exactly what I'm searching for.

And ya know, it gets hard. I don't want to live the typical all-american life. I don't want to spend 35% of my waking life at a job that I hate, just so I can buy a luxury car or a vacation home on lake havasu. I want to see broken people touch Jesus. The real Jesus, not the fake Jesus laced throughout western christianity. I want to create music that moves souls. I want to love the people that the world ignores. I want to fight against injustice. I want to write words that cause other people to stand up and fight. I want my hands and my feet to speak the loudest. I want children to feel safe when I hold them. I want to watch the church learn the true meaning of grace. I want to touch the ground of every country in this world. I want to do a lot of things. All of which are infinitely bigger than me or my capabilities, but that's not what concerns me. What concerns me is my inability to see most of this after I walk out the door in the morning. It's all around, but I'm pre-occupied with the concerns of my culture. And let's face it, we live in the starbucks generation, it's hard to notice the woman with the worried expression when I've got 15 minutes to make it from work to my next conquest. And I don't think I really have a solid answer to this, I don't know that this post is any more than me trying to figure out my purpose in my present situation. Because life isn't going to be different when I wake up tomorrow, I will still have more tasks than I do time, but maybe I'm attempting to crack yet another code, and in reality the answer is quite simple: the world changes one life at a time.

Hah!

"Cetaphobia takes many shapes. Some sufferers report very dire fear of whale attack, while others are frightened only of the sounds they make. Some report a suspicion of malevolence or predatory intent, while others see whales as benign but unpredictable. Their sheer size intimidates some, as well as their inky domain in the deep sea. Some fear the gigantic Blue Whale, while others fear only the Orca.

As broad-sweeping as these manifestations may be, all fear of whales may be classified as cetaphobia."

I understand this may not make me less weird...but I now at least know there are others who are just as crazy. woo!