A Jealous God

I read a quote yesterday that broke me. And I think if I had read the quote at any other time, it wouldn't have really had that much of an effect on me. Which a) sucks and b)made me realize how long it's been since i've been broken by this thought. It was from that book "Children's Letters to God", which is basically a book comprised of quotes from children, to God. Some are questions, some are statements, or requests, but all are pretty funny, simplistic, and insanely insightful. So I'm in the middle of researching some references for this worship curriculum I'm writing for the church, and I come across this quote, and it said:

"Dear God,
What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything.
-Jane"

Immediately after I finished reading this I just started crying because it painted such an accurate, vulnerable picture of God and his crazy love and longing for us, for me. All of a sudden I was reminded both of God's affection for me and of my constant willingness to neglect the one thing I know I'll always have. God is God, we always think of him having everything. He created it, he owns it. But he doesn't. He doesn't own our hearts; he allows us to choose who and what we'll give our lives to. All the while he sits there longing for us like a lovesick teenager. And we walk through life careless and oblivious to his persistance; toying him along and occasionally dabbling in the affections of another distraction.

What hit me hardest was that as I was in the middle of focusing on what worship meant, I realized that it was the one and only thing that we can truly give to God. Anything else we choose to give to him is simply like re-gifting to the person who gave it to you the year before, except now its in slightly worse condition than it was when you received it. Worship is the only thing we can give to him that he hasn't given to us first. And even in this, he only wants our hearts, he doesn't care how it looks or how it sounds, he just wants us. He is a jealous lover, desperate for our affection. And we forget this, and we make worship about a mindless ritual, and we decorate it all fancy, and we say the right things, just to make it look like we mean it. But sometimes I don't, sometimes I care more about what happened in my day than my relentless lovesick pursuer. And far too often, I brush him off for something "more important". But he remains there fixed, waiting for me to look at him long enough so that he can remind me the way his heart beats for me. That's all at once, huge, powerful, mind-blowing, and overwhelming. Because he's God. He could and should have everything in the world in his possession. But he doesn't, instead he sits patiently and like a man desperately in love, he pines for my affection.